nothing good ever does come easy.

I really do hate being anxious. I cant help my anxiety, but I can do so many things to help myself live with it. My anxiety has been the bane and blessing of my existence for as long as I remember. It has caused many good things (I right a mean paper under duress) and fights with my mom who doesn't understand it fully (she is a "just get it done" person) and my fiance who tries to understand. I don't even understand why I feel the way I do sometimes. The irony of all of this (other than that I'm a mental health professional) is that I'm a very logical person.
 

I have come to the conclusion that it takes courage to quell all of the 'no's. Telling years and years of anxiety about rejection and perfection that their time is up. 

For so many years I have let the 'no's win by telling them yes. Yes, I'll have the fast food. Yes, I will watch tv all day. Yes I will make endless other bad choices.
But I am done with letting my anxieties control me.
 

Reading past entries, I don't know where my drive went. It just..disappeared. Where did my spark go? My drive? The girl that moved to college 4 hours away without knowing a soul? The girl that walked into a hiring director's office and told her why she should interview me?

That's not who I am. I have always been a fighter and I'm not going to quit.

On another note; two posts in a row, say whattt? :)