progress.

I was going to post a blog on Monday, but I decided to wait. So,  on Tuesday it was decent weather outside and I wanted to wear a skirt, so I went to grab my favorite black pencil skirt. I throw the skirt on, toss a sweater over it and notice that the skirt is a little too big for me (!!!). Words cannot express how big my smile got when I realized this. I then went to get another skirt. A skirt that I bought because a) who doesn't need a tweed pencil skirt and b) it was from banana republic and was 11.00; despite the fact that it was a smidge snug on me. The skirt fit me very well that day. Insert another crazy huge smile.

I've been cheating and weighing myself, but I think that I'll stop because I have to learn that progress comes in ways other than seeing the number on the scale.

I'll be officially weighing in on Sunday and I'll post my total lost. I'll also be re-taking my measurements.

xoxo

catharsis.

(I wrote this a week ago!)

Suuuuper long time no chat. Yes, I know; I really am not a blog type of girl. But, I feel like I can best express myself when I have my thoughts written out.

Since the last time, a few things have changed.  I am now working full time (yay!) It's not in my field, but it's a job and it's paying me pretty well, so I can't complain. It has been really busy lately; I work in higher ed and it's admission time. Along with being busy, I've been ignoring myself. My apartment is a mess, I haven't been eating well and I just haven't been interested in the things that I usually find interesting.

I've always considered myself to be a Rogerian, especially when I was doing therapeutic work. One of my favorite quotes by Carl Rogers is "The curious paradox is that as soon as I begin to accept myself just as I am, I can begin to change." That quote has been bouncing around in my head all
month long and today I finally bit the bullet. I signed up for weight watchers. I had been thinking about doing it for months, but there was always some excuse:

"oh, I'll do it when they have free signups."
Free signups rolled around

"Oh, I'll do it when I have groceries in the fridge"
I went to the grocery store

It finally all just clicked today. I just needed to stop making excuses for myself. No one is responsible for how I eat, and for my health but me. I'm planning a wedding. Not only do I want to look good that day and I want to start my life out with my husband healthy and happy.

I think that most things in this world don't happen by accident. A week ago I was on facebook and I saw a picture that a classmate from grad school posted. The picture was a huge heap of clothes and in summary the caption mentioned that she had lost 41 lbs. I found myself being amazed that she had lost so much weight, while being busy (she's in a doctoral program and also works). Lo and behold, I ran into said classmate on the train! I asked her how she lost the weight, and she said weight watchers. I was so happy to hear that because I felt like I would be alone in my journey to be healthy. *Susan and I talked for awhile about getting back to being healthy and what that really meant for each of us.

After Susan got off at her stop, I sat down and reflected on our  conversation. The thing that was most salient to me were my thoughts of Rogers's quote and how applicable to my life it was. I had finally accepted who I was as a person, with all of my flaws and accomplishments, and I was ready to change who I was both inside and out. I can't describe the amazing cathartic feeling that I had, only that it made me cry. I had never experienced something amazing like that and I wish that everyone could have a moment like that.

I've been on WW for a week now. I weigh in on Sunday...I'll let you know how it all goes. I'll also post my measurements (oh boy) and maybe pics.


xxxo